#MayorJennaWrites about Adoption and Korea

August 29, 2023

Hey! I’m Jenna, formerly “Mayor Jenna” and I’m here living with my family in Korea on the self-governing island of Jeju-Do. If you had told me two years ago that I would a.) be living in Korea (brain explosion), b.) have met one half of my birth family (double brain explosion), and c.) be writing while overlooking Sanbangsan Mountain, there would be 0% of me that believed you.

There are dozens (hundreds?) of aspects to this thing called “personal identity development” and for those of us who are transracial adoptees, we have race, cultures, histories, family dynamics, and so much more to consider. It’s complicated. It’s multi-faceted. It’s ongoing. It’s painful. It’s joy filled.

Something unique to my story is my complete and total oblivion that I was about to enter into this part of my journey at all. For almost 40 years, whenever anyone asked me about my history (i.e. Hey! I notice you don’t look like the rest of your family! Tell me about that.), I had a canned response that, unbeknownst to me, I had carefully crafted over time to a.) make the other person feel comfortable with me and to b.) end the uncomfortable conversation as quickly as possible. 

Along with, “I have a happy family and a happy life,” part of this response was to add: “It is impossible to ever find or know my birth family.” And I really did believe that. Many of us do. And for too many of us, it’s true.

Because no one, least of all our adoption agencies, is reaching out to proactively tell us that there may be more to our stories… When it said “Unknown” next to my birth parents’ names, I believed it. I had no reason not to. Why, after all, would any government or official agency withhold information if there is more information to share?

So, two years ago, when I was accepted by a motherland tour (Me & Korea’s Mosaic Tour) to visit Korea for the first time since leaving, and as part of that process they said we should reach out to our agencies for information, I shrugged and submitted the requests with very little ceremony, thought, or feeling. I have all of my files. My parents were very open with me about anything they knew. There was nothing to discover.

I did not have the time, space, or consideration to think about the possibilities of a search. I didn’t even know I was on one! I certainly wasn’t aware of the complexities behind potential cultural pressures that may face me or my birth family, the history of adoption in Korea, or the deep and very real consequences this step might have on ny life (and the lives of my loved ones).

Nope, I skipped over all of that and, instead, blindly answered the phone one evening in mid-February with the most flat, 2-dimensional mindset about my life and adoption. Remember? “It is impossible to ever find or know my birth family.” … Right?

Instead on February 15, 2022, 8:00 p.m. EST, I answered the phone: Hi. You have a birth father. He’s a real person. Not just a faceless, figurative being “out there” in space. He exists. He’s existed this whole time. The information to find him has been at your fingertips since you arrived in America as a one-year-old. If you had never accidentally inquired about your file, you might never have known.

We might never have met. And he’s wonderful. I have his face. And we both sing. I have a sister. I have aunts and uncles. Cousins and a grandmother. And there was a pull greater than gravity for me to be near them.

I say all of this to share the unexpected paths our lives take. Two years ago, I started saying “yes” to both small and large things that propelled my life into where it is now (wherever that might be). I’m following the path, and it’s hard. It has meant opportunity and connection. It also means allowing darkness, hurt, and sadness to envelope my very core. And I hope it will make me a stronger, better, more fully realized individual for myself and my kids.

To those who may not know:

There is more to your story. And it might be possible to find it. I hope you’re more prepared than I was if you do.

Thanks for reading.

Learning About Korea

November 2023

To lay the groundwork, especially as I settle into the daily rhythms of life here, I think it's important that I do my best to explain a few basic Korean terms. They hold hands and embody some of the spirit of this country.

Speaking personally, as an American, it's been awe-some to ponder my attachment to a country with (literally) centuries of history. The capital of Seoul has roots dating back to the 1300s. The region of "Koryo" has history that is much older.

Because of its geographic location as a tiny peninsula surrounded by countries that are larger and have, in the past, shown more political and military "power," Korea as a country and a people have been subject to 100s of years of ongoing devastation due to occupation, wars, and, as we know, currently lies divided.

Consider for a moment, centuries of struggles and recent decades of resilience, passed down from generation to generation. For decades, daily traditions surrounding food, language, expressions of love and respect were forced into secrecy. Despite outside forces that the common person had little influence over, family roles and its structure stayed at the epicenter of traditions and daily ways of life, especially when food was scarce and literal roads were being rebuilt. Consider the spirit and collective pride that would simmer and grow among a country's people living in devastation in the face of so much poverty and confusion, even as it began to rebuild and re-establish itself.

Small but mighty, you can see the results of this collective spirit in 2023. Korean or "K" culture is everywhere in K-Food. K-Dramas. K-Pop. K-Beauty. My generation's grandparents were children on the heels of the Korean conflict and the establishment of the country's divide along the 38th parallel. War torn and post-colonized, to see the Korea of today and its influence on the world, just 70 years later, is pretty astounding. To see the modern advancements settled around ancient palaces, to feel the work ethic in everyone you meet... it's indescribable.

From this (incredibly) brief summary of history come three terms that simply do not have direct English translations:

Han 한: An emotion rooted in sorrow, struggle, and a constant underlying grief and bitterness from losing a cultural identity and the struggle to gain it back

Jeong 정: An unspoken bond, a warm feeling, goodwill, and/or a connection between two people, a group of people, or a feeling that comes from a person who shows these sentiments. My understanding of Jeong is to have love (not necessarily romantic love), an attachment, support, and care toward another

Nunchi 눈치: This is Korea's version of the ability to read a room! Someone with great nunchi or emotional intelligence can sense social cues of others, gauge a mood, understand what your role is in the setting and act accordingly

For others who know Korea personally, I would be interested in your definitions of / interpretations of these terms!

As you read back in my posts on Facebook or ahead in what I share during my time here, have this in the back of your head. Each country comes with its unique culture and a heritage rooted in history, pride, sometimes trauma, and traditions passed down through stories and customs. Outside of the expat community in the international community where I'm living here on the island, the country is fairly homogenous without many folks settling here from other countries. To be in a land of folks who share the same centuries-long history and han has been humbling. To know that this history directly led to the possibility for my adoption and life is ... strange.

Thanks for following along. Love, Jenna

The Next Chapter

March 1, 2023

Dear Royersford,

Dave and I have been waiting for the right time to share some news with you. Over the years, you and I have connected over serious topics impacting our community. On other occasions, you’ve graciously accepted when I’ve been reflective and shared personal thoughts and revelations (Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate that?). And at minimum, we’ve connected over our shared love of good food and local shopping. As I write today, I feel equal parts excitement and sorrow, gratitude and anticipation. As you always do, thank you for taking the time to read with an open heart.

Right around the Christmas holiday, our family was presented with an incredible opportunity for The Duke to accept a new job. As we have shared with our loved ones, there are many reasons this is the next right step for our family. On their own, any one of these reasons would not be enough to venture forward. Collectively, however, they created a gem far too bright to overlook or ignore.

This July, our family will be moving to Korea, specifically Jeju-Do, to join a community of professionals and families also working at and attending international schools on the island. 

Our kids will have an opportunity to attend an English-speaking school with students from all over Korea and the world. For the next few years, we have plans to be intentional about how we spend our weekends and holidays, further uncovering the beauty and complexities of my birth country, immersing ourselves in the language and culture, history and food (of course!), traditions and people. We will be close enough to my first family to get to know them. And of course, we will fly home at least once a year to visit loved ones. Though I’m certain I won’t sit still for very long, after the move, I will have the time and space for quiet. And reflection. To read and to write. No matter what, I hope to take in every moment to live in the present, something that - if I’m being honest - I will have to actively practice.

Some of you have been following my personal journey over the past 12+ months. It could fill a book, and it’s only just beginning: understanding how adoption influenced my past decisions and outlook on life, discovering my birth family, embracing my Korean heritage. Identity. (You know, simple, single-layer stuff, right?). Once in a while, amidst the stress and anxiety of everyday life, I challenge myself to pause and understand that - truly - each door that’s opened, each connection - and reconnection - I’ve made has been highly improbable, to say the least. As such, though there has been some heartache interwoven among the discoveries, each step and individual in this process has been a gift.

Unlike the movies, life’s chapters aren’t presented with clear opening credits, but - for perhaps the first time in my life - I’ve been paying attention; I knew one was beginning. And I promised myself I would say “yes” to any opportunity that presented itself to broaden my world. Fortunately, I have a partner who has been equally open and wholeheartedly supportive of me and this ongoing adventure. We thought through all of the possible outcomes of this decision. Believe me when I say that - literally - the only thing that would pull us away from our amazing community is this very specific opportunity.

The team that is assembled here: on Borough Council, in our administrative offices and support staff and commissions, police department, public works, solicitor and code enforcement, and all of the entities that exist and work together to make this place a home for all of us (our amazing church leaders and congregations, fire department, historical society, business association, woman’s club, rotary, library, community chest, food pantries, social clubs, national night out team, farmers market planning committee, nonprofits, along with our beautiful businesses and restaurants on and beyond Main Street, and so many more!) are incredible.

If you didn’t already know, Royersford is flourishing because of them. And because of you: neighbors working to keep Royersford a borough I am simply heartbroken to leave. My hometown. A truly special place. 

What does my leaving mean for Royersford? Rest assured the team and I have been working on a transition plan! Right now, my aim is to serve until the middle of June. Thank you in advance for your patience as I juggle mayoring with momming and so. much. packing. 

Since we moved here in 2015, it’s been pretty simple: we are overjoyed to be part of the love and brilliance of this borough. I am excited to continue feeling the warmth of its glow and watching you all thrive and support one another from across the globe!

If you have questions, please email me at jennaforroyersford@gmail.com. I’ll collect them and respond on my website (www.royersfordrecreation.com/mayor-jenna). I also have lots of memories. And learned lessons. And lists of what I’ll miss the most. Don’t worry. I’ll be sharing all of this with you in the coming weeks, too.

For now, it’s too early to say farewell. Until June, I’ll still be actively sharing my thoughts on local eats, highlighting our favorite businesses, attending borough council meetings, and seeing you at the Farmers Market when it opens (May 6!). Today, I’ll simply say: it has been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your Mayor. 감사합니다. Thank you. Thanks for reading. And for everything you add to our community. 

Love always, Mayor Jenna

Returning Home After Korea

October 11, 2022

Dear Royersford,

I know it’s been a minute since I returned from my trip to Korea this summer. So many of you were (and continue to be) incredibly supportive and encouraging about it, and then I came home and was largely radio silent about the whole thing. 

The truth is, I’ve been having a difficult time sorting it all out. Reentering reality after three weeks of being away in a different country… which may as well have been an entirely different world… was certainly a transition. The Jenna in Korea: on her own with other adoptees, meeting members of my first family, learning not only Korean history, but also food, culture, customs, perspectives, and the realities - sometimes dark realities - of adoption… making lifelong connections, unlocking tiny portals into my mind and heart that I never knew existed, let alone that they were waiting to be discovered… That Jenna felt like a reality-adjacent version of myself.

And when she came home, the world here had gone on as usual. My family and friends were waiting for me to return and hop back into our routine. And how could I sum up everything I had experienced  in a few minutes, or hours, to even the most open and eager loved one? 

Tiny interactions remind me I am no longer in Korea where I both fit in and didn’t belong. Strangers who knew me as a baby are now officially members of my family. And they are a full language barrier and half a world away. In truth, I’ve been wearing a very thin layer of sad since my return. 

There was so much anticipation leading up to my departure (and stress… so much stress!) that I almost wasn’t expecting how much each moment would mean to me once I arrived in Korea. I didn’t know how to fully prepare for, say, meeting my birth father, a dear aunt, and a sister. I was most certainly not prepared for how to say goodbye. The good news is, the world here in Royersford did go on and the people in it, including the Duke and my kids (Who have shown nothing but the utmost understanding and grace), my friends, and colleagues around town, have continued to be wonderful and remind me why the universe has taken shape around me the way that it has. I’m also seeking a therapist who can specifically work with me on adoption-related topics (have I mentioned that I think everyone should be in therapy)? :)

This is all to say, Royersford, that I learned a lot and have a lot to say, and am hoping that someday it will take the form of something lengthier than a social media post.

If you’re not entirely sure what I’m talking about, check out some of the entries below!

If you’d like to hear me chat about my trip, check out a podcast episode that was recorded shortly after my return home with friends of mine who host The Janchi Show @janchishow, a podcast by and for Korean Adoptees and our allies. If you want to learn even MORE, one of the hosts, Patrick Armstrong @patrickintheworld interviewed me at length on his new show: Conversation Piece with Patrick Armstrong. If you’re really, REALLY interested in getting into the weeds with me on this topic, I also recommend a companion episode of the Janchi Show where a fellow KAD (Korean American Adoptee) talks about his feelings and experiences leading up to and after meeting his birth family (Episode 61, Chris McLaughlin). They mirror my own thoughts in almost every way.

All of this is to say: Thank you, Royersford. And if you have questions or are curious about any piece of this journey, please reach out. I’ve connected with so many adoptees, birth families, and those who have adopted throughout this process (not just transracial adoptees!). November is NAAM - National Adoption Awareness Month, and I’ll be doing some additional writing and reflecting. Until then, I want to thank everyone for your support and love. I cannot tell you how much it meant knowing that I had an entire community in my corner during this life altering trip. And that you remain in my corner since returning home.

Below, please enjoy my favorite pictures of me and my Korean dad, or “Appa,” my sister, and some other favorites from my trip.

Thanks for reading.

Love, Mayor Jenna

#JennaAndKorea

Identity Development
and A Family Discovery

May 29, 2022

As we near the end of Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, a little personal reflection about identity development and an update on my journey home to Korea next month.

Since spring 2021, I’ve been on a personal journey to figure out exactly how I understand my place in the world as a Korean American woman… What my children’s place will be in the world as mixed race individuals. The journey has been gradual and, at first, it certainly wasn’t intentional. I mean, who wakes up and says, “Today, I will begin the journey of embracing my racial identity” ?

I bet some of you are already sitting there wondering how such a clearly Asian-presenting person could have any questions about her racial identity. That first sentence (Above) may sound strange or a little delusional coming from me. Though it’s NOT simple - entire books have been written on the topic - for today, I’ll simply say this: Often, what we see and experience is how we identify, or: What we see and experience is what we value as mainstream and “the norm.” I grew up in a white family in a predominantly white area, seeing mainly white folks on TV... You begin to understand just how complex this topic of identity can be! Though I would never have described myself as Caucasian, I would certainly go months without considering my “Asianness.” I was dismissive at best and willfully ignorant at my worst.

I’m a textbook example of how we shouldn’t make assumptions about others based on their appearance alone. Like any kind of development, we’re all on a journey (whether we realize it, or not), and at any moment at a different “stage.” Many theories of development will describe my past as the stage prior to a great awakening triggered by something - often negative - that makes us run up against our images and sense of self the way we never have before. In a weird way, others at a more “advanced” stage of their own development may “see” us better than we see ourselves. Still, it’s important to meet folks where they’re at instead of being heavy-handed on your judgment of others. Screaming at someone that they are missing something while they’re heavily immersed in “a fog” is like asking someone who’s never seen the ocean to imagine swimming in it.

Last year, at the height of our national conversation on Stopping AAPI Hate, I found myself in a position of being asked to speak for our community... a large, incredibly diverse in itself, beautiful, complex, and passionate Asian American Hawaiian Native Pacific Islander community... Talk about having imposter syndrome. How could I speak on behalf of the AAPI community when I myself “did not feel Asian”? I did not feel worthy and began to wonder how I could be and do better, to do justice to my own heritage and others’. Thinking through these feelings, I know that keyholes to parts of my brain and heart were suddenly exposed. So, I started to talk. And listen. And reach out. Be open, vulnerable, and learn.

Since January, I've been doing my best to intentionally and thoughtfully immerse myself in Korean history and culture, adoption history and culture, language, heritage, family, and sometimes religion - both here in America and abroad. Growing up, I was given an opportunity to explore these topics by my supportive and loving parents. But until this past year, apart from a few, unconnected occasions, I wasn’t interested, which is pretty typical. As my therapist points out, when you're a kid, a teen, and a young adult, you're in survival mode attempting to function. There isn’t always room for anything else.

Not surprisingly, this has been the single most mentally exhausting, incredibly rewarding, fulfilling, heart wrenching year of my life. First and foremost, I feel gratitude for the luxury and space to be on this journey.

If you've read this far:

My journey has also been about exploring the origin story of my adoption. (For those of you who don't know, I was adopted from Korea when I was 11 months old. Previously, those first 11 months were nothing but a blank canvas of, at best, 2 pages of vague notes that mostly included words like "unknown." If you can imagine it, now that canvas is sprinkled with an array of multidimensional colors and images - some still abstract, but growing clearer by the day!) I can’t separate my story of adoption from my racial identity; they are two different topics that have taken time to explore and consider.

Next month, I will be traveling to Korea with the Me & Korea Mosaic Tour. Fellow adoptees from all over the world and I will be traveling to Korea to explore our country of origin, meet with social workers at our adoption agencies, meet with children at schools and group homes, and, of course, eat traditional Korean cuisine!

In the process of looking into my past and preparing for this trip, with the help of many, I was able to locate and communicate with my birth father and a half sister. A pretty rare situation (I've heard statistics of less than 15% will find birth family members), my heart is incredibly grateful and full. I will meet them next month, and though I know I’m expected to feel anxious or overwhelmed, instead I feel a sense of peace. I did not know my heart could be this big, and I am grateful.

Identity and our place in the world are not always easy to unpack. I still have a long road ahead, and I know I have a family, friends, and a community of people to guide, hold space, and support me along the way. Throughout this journey, an entire community of adoptees and Korean Americans have been ready and eager to talk, listen, reach out, be open, vulnerable and learn along with me. You know who you are, and I thank you. You've helped me learn so much: one lesson being that there is no "one" way to be Asian!

Why am I sharing all of this with you? For now, I’d like to end with this:

As I said above, no one is exactly as one appears on the outside. We truly do not know the depth of someone’s day-to-day or lived experience. Sometimes they themselves are not yet ready to explore it. In the end, the world is made up of neighbors and relationships like ours here in Royersford. Let’s practice kindness, compassion, and grace toward one another. Always.

Lastly, no matter what your unique and incredible journey may be, there are folks out there who are waiting to listen and help. I'll say it again. NO MATTER WHAT or where you are in your life, there is someone out there who wants to listen and, if it calls for it, to help.

If you’re someone who identifies with part of my story, reach out, I’m happy to chat.

Thanks for reading, Royersford.

#JennaAndKorea

#MayorJennaSundayRead

https://www.royersfordrecreation.com/jenna-and-korea